Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
