my phone needs a breathalizer
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize