I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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