I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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