At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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