Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
