69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
