I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
