So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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