I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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