i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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