i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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