the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
