The maid of honor just puked.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
