are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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