You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
