he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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