his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
