i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
