So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize