I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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