Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Too much gin, very little bucket
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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