you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sobbing to NWA
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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