I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
