I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
