the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
