I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize