Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i dont even know how to be here
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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