as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
