apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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