I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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