Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
