Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
