grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
