Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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