i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My vagina is officially offended.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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