she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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