I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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