Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My vagina is very pro this idea
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
