I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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