Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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