You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
