No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
