Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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