thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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