Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
