To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
