those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
