I wanna bring you to show and tell
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize