fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have aggressive nipples.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
