well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
