he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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