I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
