i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
