the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
