heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
