Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
