i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize