I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
