help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
