I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
