It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
