Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
