I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
