The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize