i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
