I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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