I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
