I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
COCAINE IS GR8
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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