Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize