Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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