I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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