lets start a swedish sibling band together
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
