just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
