Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
