Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
