words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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