i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
