At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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