that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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