He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
