She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
