My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
