True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
