My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
