He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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