you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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