Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
