Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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