My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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