How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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