I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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