I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
