do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
