College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
