why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
