Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
