I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
