Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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