I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
