im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
