Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
